


Teh Final Problm

by DestinyWolfe



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: F/F, F/M, Fuckery, Horror, Intentionally Bad Fanfic, Johnlock - Freeform, LMFAO - Freeform, M/M, Multi, My Immortal - Freeform, Spoilers for TFP, Spoilers for The Final Problem, TFP - Freeform, TJLC, The Final Problem, episode: the final problem, i literally am going to rewrite the entire episode TFP in the style of My Immortal fucking watch me, sarcasm is the best therapy, something's fucky, tagging those because I think y'all are the ones who'll appreciate this the most, the worst fanfic ever, trash made in the spirit of trashing trash
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-18
Updated: 2017-01-25
Packaged: 2018-09-18 08:28:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9376763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DestinyWolfe/pseuds/DestinyWolfe
Summary: Hi I'm Eurus Dark'ness Dementia Sue Vertue Holmes and dis is da story of how i got revenge on my brother for not playing pirats wit me dat 1 tim when we were kids lol. also DONT FLAME DA STORY PREPS DIS IS MAH FIRST FANFIC SO GTFO IF U DNT LIKE IT!!!!111!!!!1!(AKA the one where I rewrite The Final Problem in the style of the infamous 'My Immortal,' because trashing this godawful episode through terrible writing is honestly the best therapy. I put it in the Sherlock/John tag because, even though they're not together in the episode, I figured that TJLC would appreciate this sarcastic shitpost of a story the most.)





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

  


(AN: dis is my frist attmpt at writing a fanfic for dis fandom so dont flame mah story ok preps fuck u if u do ill come find oyu and lok u in a murder prison okay!!!111!!!1!! also tanks to Sue for da help love u girl!!!11!)

  


Hi my name is Eurus Dark'ness Dementia Sue Vertue Holmes and Im rly smart and pretty and I have long wavy black hair taht reaches dwn my back to my shoulders and eyes like limpid tears in my pale wite face and evrybody thinks i'm crazy but i'm really a genus lol. I have 2 brothers and they where rly mean to me when we were kids so i'm going to make them figre out puzzles to escape a prizon and maybe die (gettit cuz i'm a genius.) I'm not related to Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way from _My Immortal_ but I wish I was cuz shes a major fucking hottie who likes to tortue ppl for no reason 2 which iz cool and edgy lol.

I wuz on a plain but I was suddenly a child and my mummy woldn't wake up so I screamed and walked around crying cuz everyone was i gnoring me and I need attention all the time or I kill people. A phone suddenly rung and I answered it and some fucking prep named Jim Moriatea said “hello I'm Jim Moriarity welcome to the final problm” and I askd for help but he woldn't help me cuz he's a fuckign prep.

My oldest brothr Mikroft was watching some bad het porn thats older then he is even tho hes gay (idk why he was wtching het porn he just was okay???! if you dont like teh stry den gtfo!!11!!) and den he herd somone that sounded like me say his name so he grabed his umbrela that's also a sword and startd walking around looking for me. He thought he saw me go up the stares and got rlly creeped out. Den da painting of John Locke started crying tearz of blod and he loked really paniky bcuz he's scared of me lol. Also a clown jumped out like in dos scry movies from da 80s and he got out his umbrela sword even though its also a gun but he didnt tink 2 use that yet (haha hes so stpid I cant belieive were rleated!!)

“I dnt have time for this,” Mikroft said anstily looking madly at da wallz. The fake child laffed at him and said “theres all the tim in da world.” Mycraft was even moor scrad now and he ran around his hovel mansion and finally took out da gun (dont ask me y he caries around a loaded gun or how he loads it since its a unbrela handle he just doz ok!!11!!!) and ran out into da big room wif all da railings. 

Suddenly Sherlok appeard!!! He wuz standin on da railing and looking at Mycrofte all epicaly and Mycrof yelled “arggghhhh help me Sherlock!!!” in a rly sacred voice but Sherlock was just running an experimence so he said “hey bro!” and John was also there and de laffed at him for beliving it wuz real. Then dey relized I must exist since Mikroft wuz rly scrad of da clown and blod and da little girl!!! they also thought I wuz locked up as a child and escaped since I shot john as his therapist which I did for shits and gigglez cuz im brilliant and lik to play dressup okay?! Also they left da room and took da creepy girl dat had run up the stares and also da clown with them (also I know dat dey put those pple at risk of bein shot or stabed but it wuz for a good cause ok!!! stfu preps if you dnt like da stry get out!1!!) Den my brother sherlock's bestie John sed that he convinsed Sherlok to scare Mikroft becuz udderwise Mikroft would nvr tell him da truth. 

“Are u just gonna leave now?” mycroft said. He was angry but also rly scared becuz Sherlock and John turned of his securty even tho they knew I might try to kill him (haha arnt normal ppl so stupud lol!! to all u amazing brillant geniuses out der your da best!!!)

John told Mycrofte to cum to 221B if he wants help but might have ta weight cuz theres sometimes a line. “Thers an east wind cuming he said and then left wif sherlock. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Omg I'm so happy that this is making y'all laugh; I might not be able to fix Mofftiss's horrible story, but I sure as fuck can make fun of it until I write it into an early grave! Thank you so much for the positive feedback on the last chapter lmfaoooo. Here's the second installment of this mess!)

Chapter 2

  


(AN: I said STAP FLEMING DA STORY PREPS!!!!11!!!1!!!!111 if you dnt like it gtfo and die ok im just TO SMART for u to understand u fuckning preps!!!)

  


Later Myrocft came to 221B. He steped into da room and Sherlock and John were there. Also Mrs. Huderson was there and she sed “you have to sit in da chair or else they wont talk to you lol.”

“I'm not a client u fucking preps!!” Mycroft shooted.

“Den get out of dis room!”

Mycraft looked at Mrs. Huderson and said “shes not going to stay is she shes cuz shes a fucking prep to” but they ignored him and Mrs. Hudeson asked if he wanted tea and he said yes. She flipped up her middle finger at him and told him to get it himself.

Mikroft look ejectedly at Sherlock and sat down sadly. Then he looked at Sherlock and John and sed “are you gonna deduce about me you fucking preps?” and looked mad again.

“No you need to tell me da pure and sample truth!” Sherlock said loudly glaering at Mikfrot.

Myroft laughted meanly. “da truth is rarly pure or simple sherlock,” he shooted back looking anoyed at being questioned by his stoopid brother. “Somone said dat before me i think but I also seam to hav frogotten everything else about dat guy so I dont know why ikm bringing him up lol.”

“dunno dont care,” said Sherlok looking even more mad than b4.

“We have a sister named Eurus lol,” said Myrcrot “but she wuz evil and smarter then me so I loked her in a prison when she was like 5 but it wuznt ilegal or anyfing cuz I have friends in da govnment so fuk off.” 

“Y did u scare me wif stories about her then you fucking sick asshole prep?!” Sherlock shooted angstily, and John looked mad at Mycraft for making Sherlok sad. 

“Becuz she wus to scaray and genius!! she just wasnt like da uder girls, she was difrent.” Mycraoft retorted.

“Then y didnt you warn me!!” Sherlock giggled.

“John you have to leave dis convrasation is a family thing okay!!!1!” Mikecroft boomed. 

“John is my family you fucking dick leave him alone!!1!!11!” Sherlock growled.

“Yeah dats right u umbrela-toting prep!!” John cackled and looked triumelephantly at Mikroft.

“So why did u not tell me and make Eurass into gost stories you prep??” sherlook demanded.

“lol I wuz testing if u remembered her” Mycroft said wisely. “She wuz too powerful and smar t for you to remmember and she wuz also goffik cuz we found her slitting her wristz once. She also killed your dog redbeard and we neva found him.”

“oh okay lol.” sed Sherlock. 

Suddenly a drone flew in wif a grenade on it!!!! and john didnt know what it wus even doe hes a solder but Mikroft did cuz he works wif spies and da government and they know a lot okay!!! So they stood their cuz they were so scrayed of my special flying bomb decvice dat the culdn't climb out da window or run down da staires be4 it actiated!!1! I wuz too smart for them cuz theyre not genuses like me even tho they say they are lol. Also Mr.s Huderson wuz vaccuming under dem and they were afraid she would die if they set off da bomb.

Then they said “we have to jump rly fast out da window we hav 3 secs b4 everything iz destroyed by da bomb” and den they went to da window and jumped out and a huge firebal came out bhind dem and it wuz rly awesome and loked cool (shut up I know dat they coln't survive witout getting hurt but itz just a stry stop fleming!!!! it looked cool ok!!!11!)

And den they went to da prizon dat Mikoraft told dem about and snunk onto a boat bcuz dey wanted to be pirats. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Thank you so much to everyone who commented/left kudos on this story!! <3 I'm so happy that this shitty fic is making people laugh after that abysmal episode. It really is therapeutic, isn't it? ;D)

Chapter 3

(AN: IF U DUNT SHATP FLAMMIN DA STORY DEN UR A PREP AND U SUK OK GTFO!!!!1!!) 

  


So anyway we were on da boat and ther were sum guys on it who asked who the fuk we where. Sherlock wuz standing up on da top of da boat looking smexy wif his coat swirling around lik bat wingz.

One of the guys asked “who r u?” and sherlock told him he wuz a pirate. John had a gun and he pointed it at da guys on da boat who looked scared at each other. They took over the ship and Sherlock and Jon went to da beach and Myraft put on dis fugly disgize cuz he wanted to get inside the Alcatraz dick-shaped prizon thing. They also rote in the sand with sticks or somefing and said they wanted to c me. Then they went inside and no 1 noticec that Sherlock was also in disugise not just Mykroast and he went up da helvatator well John and Macraft talked to da gard. 

“Haha I tricked u.'” said Mykril and laughed meanly in the guard's face cuz he had a headache and da fak beard sratched up his face witch made him cranky “u just gav your pass to another dude in a disguze too. U might as wel wear clown outfits you incormpenten fuks” (c is dat out of chracater??!) Da guard looked v scared and he startd to cry and said he wuz sorry. “If u want to leav dis island eva again dont tell me that my sister iz compromised” said Mycrotch glaring at da guard wit rage in his eyes. He then start 2 talk 2 ssherlock over dis microphone thingy and asked him if he was inside.

“Y is my sister locked up if shes a geniuz and brilliant nad amazinf your denying da world her brillianc you dunderhead” Sherlock said to Mykrat angstily. 

Mykrat said with omnicience: “you'll c in a sec y Shelork.”

Sherlock went into da cell and heard me. I wuz playin da violen and it wuz the song I played 4 him when he was a kid but he pretnaded not to notice bcuz der were uder guards there 2. Meanwhil Mycatch stole da governerz office and asked for tapes. One of da guards told Sherlock to stay away from me (bcuz I'm such a genues that I can maniplate mindz like a sexy goffic sorceress and somtims I kill people and drink theyr blod cuz im also a vampir.)

“She plays all da time so we ware earmuffins” sed 1 guard 2 Sherlook.

“Shes rly good at playin da violin and the muzic is beautiful lik her.” Sherlock replied and he went into da room wif me inside it. Inside of da room I wuz playing some Batch on my violin and Sherlock looked around at my bed and da box in my cell. For sum rezon he didnt notice that the glass wuznt their even tho there wuz a reflecsion. Idk hes just stoopid lol.

Also Mycourt and John wer watchin da videos of me where I wisely told dis physocolgist guy that he wuz a prisoner to his meat, but I wusnt becuz im too smart and beuaitufl and clever. Every1 else is just a stuupid pack animl but im geniusinely (cuz im a genius) better than every1 else. Somtimes I hate being so smart tho its a burden becus I cant fit in like all da normal gurlz. Anyway Sherlock told me my music wuz beautufl (which isnt a suprise cuz im the best at music just lik everything else) and I corrected him wisely that its just right not only beuatiufl and im too good to care about bueaity like all da petty mortals.

“Oh ok he said “but I don't hav ur fav headband srry sis.”

“Whatevs” I said but I secrtetly wanted 2 suk his blod for bein suck a dick 2 me wtf.

“So how did u get out of dis place?” Sherleak asked me curiosity.

I looked at him all mysteirous wif my sexy limpid eyes and pale face and lips done up with blod-red lip glos and said “figure it out. U look at it but you dont see it.” I laffed at him and he loked annoyedly at da missing glass, but still didnt c. 

“I dont gettit” he said.

“u will eventualy” I said. I picked up my violent and held it out 2 him. “if u want to no how I got out look at dis.” I instructored looking seriously at him.

“ok he said and begn to look at it.


End file.
